Quite a few years ago a fellow that I worked with was all jazzed up about his new girlfriend. In his mind, she was quite the catch; attractive, articulate, and fun. Problem was, he was already married to a gal who possessed all those same qualities, plus he had two small children with her. By the time he told me this he had already moved out of the house and was quite nonchalant about it all. Stunned by my friend’s disclosure, I started peeling back the onion with him.
In his mind they had grown apart; she was not meeting his needs, their interests had diverged, and while not ready for a divorce, he wanted to play the field and experience some “freedom”.
His story got me thinking about the human condition and marriage. Take a trip back to geometry class and imagine a line with point A (for yourself) and point B (for your wife). Let’s call this the Line of Marriage (LOM). I believe most people when they get married would expect they are on the same line and will grow closer over time, experiencing the joys and struggles of raising a family and life together. Most people will attempt to stay on the line and grow their marriage, but often with their own strength.
Well, reality bites, doesn’t it? There are legions of circumstances, prior baggage, and sinful life choices that conspire against a man and woman from achieving the unity that many strive for. All too often partners that started together on the LOM end up launching themselves in a new direction, off the line and moving away from their spouse and marriage commitments.
Let’s go back and visualize our marriages as a triangle, but change up the names a bit for each point. We have point B (husband), point C (wife), and at the apex, point A. Let’s name Point A: Jesus.
Hebrews 12: 2 tells us “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author, and perfector of our faith…”. That is a command that if both members in a marriage will follow, will set the stage for a healthy marriage and family life. If each person in the marriage is moving towards Jesus, if He is the One who occupies the priority position of daily worship and devotion in our lives, each will move up the leg of the triangle towards Him. When both parties of the marriage are moving north, closer to Jesus, they are also moving closer to each other.
Eph 5:25 tells men to love their wives, and that is all we can control. We can choose to love God, pursue Christ daily, and love our wives. Spiritual leadership isn’t being able to read the New Testament in Greek or having all the right answers all the time. It means getting out of bed and getting to church on Sunday. It is the dad who needs to be getting the kids up out of bed and off to church, not mom pushing them the whole way there. It is dad’s responsibility to ensure that the kids are participating in age-appropriate Sunday School and church activities, all the way through high school. Be seen by your family reading your Bible and making time to pray with your wife and children weekly. These are simple leadership activities that will encourage your wife to grow and move up her leg of the marriage triangle towards Jesus while growing closer to you.